This started as a Facebook rant after doing some research on male rape, but it's a topic I think is important to talk about, so I decided to make a blog post about it.
Because holy shit what the hell is wrong with pop culture (books/movies/memes/jokes) and making male rape into a fucking joke?
How is it that what we would all scream and rave about if it was done to a woman, we laugh at when it's done to a man?
In the movie "the other woman" one of the main characters (a woman) wakes up with a man's shirt on backwards, and lying surrounded by pillows. The man then explains that she was drunk, and kept trying to take her clothes off and get into bed with him, and she wouldn't keep her hands to herself, so he put her in the shirt and build a pillow wall between them to keep her away... everybody laughs... except, if it had been a man that got drunk, took his clothes off and wouldn't keep his hands away from the woman, we wouldn't be laughing, now would we?
And have you ever heard the joke "squeal like a piggy?"
Apparently that comes from the movie Deliverance, and it's what one character says to another character just before a brutal rape... Yeah, that's right, a brutal rape of a man is some 40 years later still a great joke.. in fact, it's such a great joke you can get it as a t-shirt... for your kids.
Wedding Crashers - a comedy movie - features a rape of one of the main characters. In fact, he is tied to a bed, has a sock put into his mouth so he can't scream for help. He even refers to it as a midnight rape... and then he falls in love with the woman and marries her... because it wasn't really rape was it? He's a guy, so he should like getting sex, right?
And of course, lets not even get into the fact that it's always a good joke when a man we don't like goes to prison. - "Let's hope he doesn't drop the soap." - "He's gonna make someone really happy" - "He's gonna be some ones pretty girlfriend"
In the movie – Get Him to the Greek – there's a guy being anally raped, but it's “okay” and “funny” because he's the fat guy, and she's the hot woman and we all know he really wanted it.
I saw a clip from a American prime time comedy series, where a guy is being raped, and after, the parents makes jokes about it, all while that awful fake laughing is used. Because having your son raped is such a joke.
While doing this research, I looked at a lot of movie clips on Youtube, and the worst part wasn't that these scenes was even featured in movies in the first place, no I think the worst part was that most of these clips, featuring men being raped, was posted as “funny clips/moments/scenes”.
It's a big problem in today's world, that rape isn't reported. We don't have any true numbers on how many people are raped, because so many people keep quiet. It is still seen as something shameful, and victims are often being blamed.
What did you wear? Had you been drinking? And on and on and on.
And for men, it can be even harder to step forward.
Not only is the places men can find help far and few, but there's a whole slew of people out there that think men can't be raped, especially not by a woman.
How many times have we not thought this exact thing:
A fall down black out drunk woman has sex = rape
A fall down black out drunk man has sex = lucky
In my research, I read an article about a man that had been raped by a woman to a party. One of the things he was constantly asked was - why didn't you fight back? Because as a man, he should have been able to fight back right? He should have been able to overcome his attacker? And if he didn't it wasn't really rape, right? His answer to that question was something that floored me. Not only did he point out that he was drunk, and completely in shock, and that violence is an alien thing to him. No, he also pointed out this one thing that made me stop and just go “OMG”. Because as he so correctly pointed out, what would have happened if he had fought back? What would have happened if he stood in front of a judge and would have to explain why this woman was bruised? Yes, your honor, I beat her, but I swear, I was only preventing her from sexually assaulting me. Because how many of us would believe that?
Which made me think of an article I once read where a male rape victim had fought back. And when the police arrived, they not only didn't believe the girl had raped him, they told him he was lucky they didn't arrest him for assault.
Unfortunately I couldn't find the article again, but the fact is that it's fucking disturbing that victims has to even think those thoughts.
And no, I'm not saying men has it worse. Please, let's not go into that debate. It is possible to point out one groups hardship without saying another group doesn't have it just as bad.
I will end this rant with this...
It doesn't matter if the victim of rape is a child, a woman or a man. It will never get better for anyone, if we as a society doesn't stand up and say “This is not okay, this is not what we stand for. We will not allow rape to be a joke.”
A writer's life
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